| EMS Definitions |
[Aug. 11th, 2008|08:02 am] |
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EMS Definitions:
Dyspatcher: The voice on the radio responsible for crossed trucks,
inaccurate information and addresses, etc. (It's all in fun.)
Hematomato: n. A collection of blood, the size of a tomato, beneath the
skin. Example: "By the look of the hematomato on her thigh, it appears to
be more than just a bruise from a cardboard box."
Tater Toter: n. An ambulance toting a tater (a vegged-out patient).
Cadillacs: n. Cataracts
Ejectstrication: n. Self-extrication of driver or passenger of a vehicle that has been involved in a collision.
Ohmygod Squad: n. A group of onlookers at any MVA, medical call or scene where anyone might be hurt. This group is usually in your way, making it virtually impossible to administer the proper care to your patient. Someone in this group will always walk up and ask you for information concerning the patient. Examples: "Who is it? What happened? Are they
dead?"
Bullet Proof Uniform: n. A uniform shirt containing a sufficient number
of metal pins to successfully deflect any medium-velocity projectile from
the front. Take note: These are also Workout Uniforms, because it often
requires peak physical fitness to don the uniform.
Siren Shock: n. A sudden act by civilians to avoid an emergency vehicle,
characteristically presented as a wild turning of their steering wheel to
the right or left (whichever is most dangerous). Also referred to as
"Yelp-Swerve."
Proximity Pain: n. Discomfort that increases and is expressed more loudly
as an EMT, triage nurse or doctor approaches, rapidly dies away as
providers recede, and rapidly and loudly recurs when providers return.
Rapid and effective relief is obtained when the patient can no longer see
any medical personnel at all.
Facilitating: n. Taking a short break, to use the bathroom facilities or
eat that sandwich you bought five hours ago but have been too busy
responding to calls to even unwrap. Example of use over the air:
"Dispatch, show me facilitating at Station 4. "
Glucoschmeg: n. Sticky, gooey, yellow-whitish substance that accumulates around the mouth and face of a patient who is given oral glucose. It can also be found days after the call on the caregiver's hands, cot, straps, jump seat and other places in the ambulance.
Shambulance: n. The worst vehicle in the fleet, which can't seem to go on
a single tour without mechanical issues. (AET?)
Vital Vision: n. The ability of an EMT or paramedic to observe a patient
and determine their vital signs (e.g. He looks to be: BP 134/76, H/R 72,
Resp 16 reg and stable.) Is also referred to as "WNL"...we never looked.
C.A.B. Syndrome (Call Activated Bladder): n. A condition in which an EMTs bladder produces an urge to empty upon an incoming emergency.
Walkative: Adj. A descriptive term used as a shorthand way to gather
information about a non-communicative elderly person's typical ability to
ambulate around their home, with or without the use of canes, walkers,
etc. (e.g., "Is this patient normally walkative?")
AAT (Advanced Accelerator Therapy): n. That wonderful feeling of euphoria you get when you're screaming down the road with lights and sirens.
Surf's Up: n. A statement made upon auscultating a patient with diffuse
rales and rhonchi in acute failure. Used to describe the sound of the
waves of fluid washing back & forth across the aveoli.
CHAOS: n. Chief Has Arrived On Scene.
Acute Evaluation Syndrome: n. Describes the condition of a patient sent to
the hospital by a nursing home and the only reason given is "to be evaluated," usually for snoring respirations at 0300.
B & B (Baste & Broil): n. A patient who has self "basted" by drinking too
many alcoholic beverages and then decides to "broil" by sleeping in the
sun.
TVR: n. Modified CPR administered on television shows . TVR is typically
done using only the fingertips of one hand at a rate of 3 to 5 compressions per minute while an airway assistant squeezes only the bag during the repeated attempts to defibrillate asystole. (Note: The BVM must be attached to an unsecured ET tube.) Unlike CPR, TVR does not produce
annoying deflection of the monitor's baseline. This keeps the viewer from
wondering why on earth a doctor would shock a patient that wasn't flat
line.
Low-Carb: adj. Describes a patient who has a blood sugar of 60 mg/dL or
less.
HONDA: acronym. Hypertensive, Obese, Non-compliant, Diabetic Adult.
JACOBS Syndrome (Just A Couple Of BeerS): acronym. A syndrome in which the patient, despite apparent intoxication, will admit to only two beers.
Atrial Flubberation: n. Supraventricular rhythm that fluctuates between
atrial fibrillation and flutter. In the past, this rhythm was referred to
as "fib/flutter."
Manikin-American: n. The politically correct term to refer to a dummy used
for CPR practice.
Drama Alert: n. Any minor complaint that is exacerbated by numerous family/members/friends believing it to be life-threatening (aka the infamous
stubbed toe call). Usually results in having a hysterical patient on your
hands.
Insuranceitis: n. A condition that develops following an MVC in which
there is no damage to the involved vehicles, but at least two people complain of neck pain. Clear the call as insuranceitis, BS performed.
O.D. (Oblivious Driver): n. The driver in front of you who doesn't, or
pretends not to, see or hear the big box with flashing lights and yelping siren approaching from behind them.
I.D. (Ignorant Driver): n. The driver who stops their car right in front of
the ambulance bay driveway as soon as they see or hear the big box with
flashing lights and siren.
STEM: n. A coworker who obviously possesses only the rudimentary brain
functions necessary to sustain life. They are state-certified and nationally registered but you can never figure out how they make it to work and keep from getting killed in 24 hours. (Usage: That guy's a real STEM!) Synonym: Air Thief
Incarceritis: n. Any complaint that mysteriously presents when the patient
discovers they're about to be in custody.
Jailitus: n. An acute medical condition that the prisoner feels will get
him out of jail, usually misdiagnosed as alcohol intoxication,
self-inflicted trauma or pepper-spray ingestion or inhalation.
Miranda Angina: n. Chest pain (or other complaint) generally precipitated
by the likelihood of patient's imminent placement into custody. Also
associated with acute allergy to handcuffs. Give care per your local
protocols as for other kinds of chest pain. Anticipate post-discharge
follow-up care in a long-term facility.
Tachylordy: n. a serious patient condition categorized by rapid (greater
than 100 lordys/min) and repeated calls for intervention by a higher
power. Can result in headache and shortness of breath. "Ohhhhh lordy,
lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy." [Related: Bradylordy: n. A serious
condition categorized by exceedingly slow (less than 40 lordys/min) and
often loud calls for intervention by a higher power. "OHHHHHH
looorrrrdddyy, looooorrrrrrddddyyyyy!!!!!!"]
Mister Gadget: n. an EMT/paramedic/firefighter who just happens to own
every piece of EMT/fire-related gadgetry available from Gall's catalog.
Mister Gadget can be beneficial in a multi-jurisdictional/multi-problematic event because he does possess all the equipment that would be necessary to run the Incident Command from his POV.
Smurf: n. A patient exhibiting obvious cyanosis.
MAGGOT: n. An acronym meaning "Medically Able to Go Get Other
Transportation."
ART (Assuming Room Temperature) : v. Used for a patient at the scene has been dead for a while and whose body temperature is now equivalent to room temperature (Example: " The patient has 'ARTed.'" )
CTD (Circling the Drain): v. Used when one is on the way out, but just
hasn't gone down yet.
HIPAA-cratic Oath: n. The short statement you make to patients and family
as you hand them the HIPAA paperwork.
HIPAA-tized: adj. What a patient is after they have received the infamous
Privacy Brochure.
PLP (PreLitigation Physical): Underlying chief complaint when you run on
a VERY minor MVA and you transport the ones that are not at fault. Also
happens when fault is not determined and everyone goes just in case the
other one is found guilty. Can also happen with a hit and run...just in
case they find the person that did it.
Side Note: This is all in good fun with no disrespect directed at anyone. Don't get all bent outta shape. If you don't like it, don't read it.
-ToXxXic |
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